(Squ)Iggy’s been successful in his transition from Thinker to Listener to Stinker. Last year, the Libs were crying for stimulus packages, and saying “doing nothing” was not an option. Over Christmas, Harper was forced to adjust his budget, provide a stimulus package and do “something”, and now Iggy says $40B is too much. More stimulus, less stimulus. I mean, make up your mind!

Maybe Iggy should devote his time on learning how to properly get a car out of the ditch.

I know I am going out on a limb here. I am at the risk of being ridiculed. I will be threatened with bodily harm, but I have decided to “come clean”, as it were, to the world: I pee sitting down. There, I’ve said it. Now, I know the truly manly men among you will snicker and mock me and call me such names as “sissy” and “wimp” and insults like “you pee like a girl!” will be hurled at me. Set aside your immediate feelings for now and hear me out.

Imagine, if you will, a small bowl filled with orange juice sitting in the sink. Then take the aerator off the tap and open the tap just a bit so the trickling water will land in the bowl with orange juice. That creates quite the mess, doesn’t it? The same thing happens in a toilet when the manly man pees. Only it is not orange juice that splatters all over the place, it’s diluted pee. Droplets of pee will land on the inside bowl, underside of toilet seat (provided you put it up), underside of seat cover, the tank, the immediate floor area surrounding the toilet bowl and any walls adjacent to the bowl (and on your pants, mister man!).  That’s really quite disgusting, isn’t it? The average manly man will pee four times a day, so that makes 28 occurrences a week. Per man. If you have boys you can multiply that amount (by several factors due to aiming, or lack thereof). Can you image the golden glow that has to be cleaned off every week?

Now I know the average manly man will not be caught dead cleaning the toilet, so the logical conclusion is that you leave that job for the woman in your life, be it your wife, girlfriend or mother (for those still living in the basement). Unless your wife/girlfriend/mother suffers from urophilia, that can’t be fun. And still they do it, week after week. And they’re so nice, they won’t complain.

I don’t know about you, but I love my wife too much to have her clean up my pee-soaked toilet seat, floor and walls every week. I certainly don’t want to do it myself: I know when it was my turn to clean the toilets, I was disgusted with what I found: walls soaked with urine, sticky floors and yellow stained toilet seats. So I came to the only logical conclusion: solve the problem, and pee sitting down. It’s comfortable, you can catch up on the periodicals, and most important of all, the woman you love doesn’t have to go down on her knees once a week and clean up your filth. And you do it for a number two, so why not for a number one? You know, just because you can pee standing up, doesn’t mean you have to!

I want you to do some thinking about this. Try it out for a week (start right after a cleaning), and your wife/girlfriend/mother will love you for it. I guarantee it. Our toilets/floors/walls are so clean now, that we cringe when we get manly men guests over to the house and we know we’ll have a wall-washing at the end of the week.

So, I “pee like a girl”. Go ahead, call me ”sissy” and “wimp”, but at the end of the week, I can look my wife in the eye and know that I didn’t put myself and her through the dirtiest job there is, and that’s worth any name calling. And if peeing like a girl means comfort, convenience, cleanliness and helping the woman you love, and the macho manly man thing to do is cover half of the bathroom in pee, maybe the girls are on to something here, eh boys?