Since we got a new plasma TV over Christmas, and I wanted to get some sort of PVR thing going, I thought it was time to upgrade our Bell ExpressVu receivers to HD ones. I opted for the cheaper one (I’m Dutch) to which one can attach a USB hard drive to turn it into a PVR. The unit was $199. We could also rent it for $10 per month, but that defeats the purpose: we’d make back our rent within 20 months of buying it.

So I gathered up all my patience and headed for a Bell World. The transaction was remarkably smooth (for a Bell World) and I was out with my new receiver within 10 minutes. A pimply teenager told me I needed to “upgrade my dish” to be able to get HD signals (I didn’t know this: no mention of this on the Bell website), but that the upgrade was “free of charge”, just call and book an appointment.

Right.

First of all, everyone knows one cannot simply call the 1-888-SKY-DISH phone number without destroying at least part of your living room out of frustration. And second, I don’t have 6 spare hours to spend on hold. So I headed to the “helpful” Bell website, and clicked on “book an installation appointment online” button.

Right again.

Through this button I filled out a simple form. In the “comment” box I stated that I wanted my FREE dish upgrade.

This is where the fun begins.

First up was Anirvan Halder. He wrote me in an email:

I understand that you would like to install the free upgrade to your Bell TV satellite dish since you had purchased a new HD receiver.
I will surely address the issue.

and then the kicker:

You are requested to add 4 HD theme packs for just $10.00 per month before booking the service call for the installation of the Nimiq 2 hardware. If you do not add the HD theme packs then you will be billed for the Nimiq 2 hardware installation.

Hmmm… no mention of this on the Bell Website, or the pimply Bell Worlder. So I wrote back a nasty email complaining about this fact.

Next up was Partha Pratim Dasgupta. He/she wrote:

If I understood your reply correctly, you are concerned about the Nimiq 2 upgrade. We are thankful to you for writing to Bell TV and providing us the opportunity to assist you. I will definitely assist you with this concern.

and:

I would like to inform you that, this upgrade is absolutely free of charge (Customers are required to subscribe to and pay for a Nimiq 2 Programming package (i.e. HD, International) in order to be eligible for this free upgrade).

and in closing:

Hope I have been able to address your concern. 

Thank you for choosing Bell TV as your satellite provider, Ms. Gerrits.

You know, Partha, that didn’t really answer my questions. Nor am I a ‘Ms’… So I wrote another email. My language is getting quite… hmm… frustrated… basically I tell them where they can stick that $10 a month.

Back comes Anirvan Halder:

Please note that you can also subscribe to 1 HD theme pack for just $5.00 per month to avail the installation of the Nimiq 2 hardware free of cost.

Getting kind of tired of the process, I figured: fine, I’l sign up for the $5/month and then as soon as the installation goes through, I cancel that package. So I send them an email (remember, this is the online Booking Request) with my available times, and they can pick any of them to book the appointment.

Anirvan again:

I understand that you would like to add the HD Variety theme pack to install the Nimiq 2 free of cost. I will definitely assist you with this.

I cannot provide any specific information of your account because your PIN was not included with this reply. Please note that it is mandatory to provide the security PIN, if a customer replies after 7 or more than
7 days.

First of all, I would not LIKE to add the HD variety theme pack, I am FORCED TO. Secondly, NOW you want my PIN?

Fine. I send my PIN.

Aditi Roy this time:

I understand that you would like to book an appointment for your NIMIQ 2 installation. I will surely look into the matter.

You do that. Then the final straw:

In this regard you need to provide a suitable time for booking the order. Kindly speak to our technical department at 1-888-SKY-DISH for further help.

And there you go. Two weeks later and I am back to calling 1-888-SKY-DISH. I understand the problem, I am definitely getting tired of this and will surely shoot myself soon.

Two weeks, no HD yet. To be continued…