Ontario’s summer, so far, has been so cold and damp that it is now very hospitable to Heracleum mantegazzianum, also known as the Giant Hogweed, which is native to Russia, and thrived in the early 1970s in (also) damp and cold Britain. Ontario’s summer has been so cold and wet that it closely resembles Britain’s, and as such, the Giant Hogweed is quickly spreading.

The Giant Hogweed is a plant that can grow up to 7 meters tall, and it’s 3 cm thick stems have a clear liquid that, combined with sunlight, can make your skin boil. It was introduced to Britain by a victorian explorer, planted in the Royal Gardens at Kew, and quickly took over the countryside, prompting my favourite band Genesis to write a song about it:

The Return of the Giant Hogweed

Turn and run!
Nothing can stop them,
Around every river and canal their power is growing.
Stamp them out!
We must destroy them,
They infiltrate each city with their thick dark warning odour.

They are invincible,
They seem immune to all our herbicidal battering.

Long ago in the russian hills,
A victorian explorer found the regal hogweed by a marsh,
He captured it and brought it home.
Botanical creature stirs, seeking revenge.
Royal beast did not forget.
He came home to london,
And made a present of the hogweed to the royal gardens at kew.

Waste no time!
They are approaching.
Hurry now, we must protect ourselves and find some shelter
Strike by night!
They are defenceless.
They all need the sun to photosensitize their venom.

Still theyre invincible,
Still theyre immune to all our herbicidal battering.

Fashionable country gentlemen had some cultivated wild gardens,
In which they innocently planted the giant hogweed throughout the land.
Botanical creature stirs, seeking revenge.
Royal beast did not forget.
Soon they escaped, spreading their seed,
Preparing for an onslaught, threatening the human race.

The dance of the giant hogweed

Mighty hogweed is avenged.
Human bodies soon will know our anger.
Kill them with your hogweed hairs
Heracleum mantegazziani

Giant hogweed lives

So where’s this Global Warming everybody keeps talking about?

PS. The recommended way of getting rid of the Giant Hogweed: Round-Up, which, thanks to a certain Mr. McGuinty, is no longer available in Ontario. Good job!

When KISS comes to town, you gotta go. You just have to: it’s the greatest rock show on Earth. You’re not going for the fine musicianship, you’re not going to hear the crystal clear soprano-like voices. You’re going to watch an extravaganza. And when it comes to putting on a good show, KISS is second to none. No other band comes even close to giving you your money’s worth of sheer entertainment.

Their music may not be appealing to most people, and the make-up and costumes may put a lot of people off, but when they take the stage and play their hearts out for a solid 2 1/2 hours, together with explosions, pyrotechnics, lighting and confetti, it somehow all comes together and it works. This IS the greatest show on Earth.

They played mostly KISS Alive! era songs, circa 1975 and earlier, replaying the entire album, minus Rock Bottom and Firehouse. Only the encore had some later songs such as (the appalling) Lick it Up and (yawn) I Was Made For Loving You. It’s hard to believe that, apart from the slightly tamer explosions and fireworks, which are, no doubt, due to the Ottawa Bylaw officers keeping a close eye on things, that these guys are closing in on 60 (Gene’s turning sixty later this year, Paul is 57) and the show looks and feels just like the 1975 version, when the lads were in their late twenties.

A record 30,000 40,000 people came to see KISS at the Ottawa Blues Fest last night. A few showers didn’t dampen our spirits. In true Ottawa fashion, we all came, walking calmly from the bus station about 1 hour before the show, and left immediately after, in the same calm fashion, back to the buses. I was sitting in a bus, less than 1/2 hour after the show. Bravo OC-Transpo!

Got a headache, ears are ringing. feet are tired, knees are killing me:  I’ve been to a KISS show.