For those of you who are extremely annoyed by my sending out about two hundred and fifty thousand tweets about my Lifestream postings: sorry!

Next time I upgrade a buggy WordPress plugin, I’ll remember to turn off automatic blog posting to Twitter…

Still don’t know what happened there… And if it makes you feel any better, I think Twitter has now blacklisted me for a while for sending out a large number of Tweets in a short time.

Nothing from me for a while!

Since we got a new plasma TV over Christmas, and I wanted to get some sort of PVR thing going, I thought it was time to upgrade our Bell ExpressVu receivers to HD ones. I opted for the cheaper one (I’m Dutch) to which one can attach a USB hard drive to turn it into a PVR. The unit was $199. We could also rent it for $10 per month, but that defeats the purpose: we’d make back our rent within 20 months of buying it.

So I gathered up all my patience and headed for a Bell World. The transaction was remarkably smooth (for a Bell World) and I was out with my new receiver within 10 minutes. A pimply teenager told me I needed to “upgrade my dish” to be able to get HD signals (I didn’t know this: no mention of this on the Bell website), but that the upgrade was “free of charge”, just call and book an appointment.

Right.

First of all, everyone knows one cannot simply call the 1-888-SKY-DISH phone number without destroying at least part of your living room out of frustration. And second, I don’t have 6 spare hours to spend on hold. So I headed to the “helpful” Bell website, and clicked on “book an installation appointment online” button.

Right again.

Through this button I filled out a simple form. In the “comment” box I stated that I wanted my FREE dish upgrade.

This is where the fun begins.

First up was Anirvan Halder. He wrote me in an email:

I understand that you would like to install the free upgrade to your Bell TV satellite dish since you had purchased a new HD receiver.
I will surely address the issue.

and then the kicker:

You are requested to add 4 HD theme packs for just $10.00 per month before booking the service call for the installation of the Nimiq 2 hardware. If you do not add the HD theme packs then you will be billed for the Nimiq 2 hardware installation.

Hmmm… no mention of this on the Bell Website, or the pimply Bell Worlder. So I wrote back a nasty email complaining about this fact.

Next up was Partha Pratim Dasgupta. He/she wrote:

If I understood your reply correctly, you are concerned about the Nimiq 2 upgrade. We are thankful to you for writing to Bell TV and providing us the opportunity to assist you. I will definitely assist you with this concern.

and:

I would like to inform you that, this upgrade is absolutely free of charge (Customers are required to subscribe to and pay for a Nimiq 2 Programming package (i.e. HD, International) in order to be eligible for this free upgrade).

and in closing:

Hope I have been able to address your concern. 

Thank you for choosing Bell TV as your satellite provider, Ms. Gerrits.

You know, Partha, that didn’t really answer my questions. Nor am I a ‘Ms’… So I wrote another email. My language is getting quite… hmm… frustrated… basically I tell them where they can stick that $10 a month.

Back comes Anirvan Halder:

Please note that you can also subscribe to 1 HD theme pack for just $5.00 per month to avail the installation of the Nimiq 2 hardware free of cost.

Getting kind of tired of the process, I figured: fine, I’l sign up for the $5/month and then as soon as the installation goes through, I cancel that package. So I send them an email (remember, this is the online Booking Request) with my available times, and they can pick any of them to book the appointment.

Anirvan again:

I understand that you would like to add the HD Variety theme pack to install the Nimiq 2 free of cost. I will definitely assist you with this.

I cannot provide any specific information of your account because your PIN was not included with this reply. Please note that it is mandatory to provide the security PIN, if a customer replies after 7 or more than
7 days.

First of all, I would not LIKE to add the HD variety theme pack, I am FORCED TO. Secondly, NOW you want my PIN?

Fine. I send my PIN.

Aditi Roy this time:

I understand that you would like to book an appointment for your NIMIQ 2 installation. I will surely look into the matter.

You do that. Then the final straw:

In this regard you need to provide a suitable time for booking the order. Kindly speak to our technical department at 1-888-SKY-DISH for further help.

And there you go. Two weeks later and I am back to calling 1-888-SKY-DISH. I understand the problem, I am definitely getting tired of this and will surely shoot myself soon.

Two weeks, no HD yet. To be continued…

The twelfth gift that Dalton gave to us

Twelve friends with handouts

Eleven denied taxes

Ten decades’ suff’rin’

Nine wisemen checkin’

Eight points of taxes

Seven solar farm plans

Six scandalled outfits

Five aging coal plants

Four product bans

Three sizes too small

Two frightened people

And a health tax to pay for our debt

We, Canada, received the “Fossil of the Year” award for our inaction against Climate Change. I couldn’t be happier with any other award.

I for one am very proud to have gotten this reward, and we should put it on display, very prominently, on Parliament Hill:

Maybe we can replace the New Year’s Eve Log Show with an image of this wonderful award:

We should all sew these patches on our clothes and hand them out at international events:

We could silk-screen a giant version of it on the CanadArm 2:

We could add it to our Olympic mascots:

We could project it onto the moon at night to calm our fears:

I’d say, congratulations to PM harper and Jim Prentice for getting us this prestiguous award!

Let’s do it again next year!

If anyone recognizes the idiot morons in the following video, please contact your local authorities. This video is believed to have been shot in Southern Alberta or Saskatchewan:

Apparently, brain and dick sizes are related.

UPDATE: Three suspects have been picked up in Saskatchewan and are due in court shortly. Link.

I thought a piece of sophisticated technology like the Space Shuttle has to be flown and operated by a variety or personnel like commander, pilot, several mission specialists, and a flight engineer. I thought the International Space Station needs a crew of at least three to make it functional. But if you’ve been following the latest Endeavour space mission, you’d think it would all be done by just one person: Julie Payette. Every night on the news: Julie Payette in the Shuttle taking off. Julie Payette docking the shuttle to the station. Julie Payette operating the Canadarm 2. Julie Payette hugging herself on live TV (there were two Canadians on board the station–can you name the other one??). Julie Payette fixed the toilet. Shuttle carrying Julie Payette landed in Florida. Julie Payette is back on Earth. Ah, thank God. It’s over. However, now we’ll get: Julie Payette drives home from Floria. Julie Payette gets hassled at the border for bringing back too much alcohol. Julie Payette pulls into her driveway and hits her dog.

It’s enough already.

…rid the world of Prince Charles, Al Gore and David Suzuki, or we’ll all be doomed! DOOMED!

Mr. Carr, an inmate in Millhaven, had his award upheld by the Federal Court Justice James Russell on June 2. Mr. Carr was stabbed in the bum with a plastic device in 2005 and has since been suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

The taxpayers of Canada eased his suffering to the tune of $12,000.

Mr. Carr, who was serving a three-year term for robbery-related offences when he was attacked, is now living in the Hamilton, Ont.-area, awaiting his money.

You’re welcome.

It seems that Michael Jackson was about 1/2 Billion dollars in debt when he died. This mean that my net-worth is more than the King of Pop, who sold over 750 million records world-wide, and is the world’s most famous person.

I, Erwin Gerrits, am worth more money than Michael Jackson. How’s that for an ego booster?

My five random questions to which I need answers:

1. Why do BBQ chips no longer taste like BBQ, but are just plain sweet?
2. Why is a hot day proof of Global Warming, and yet a cold day is “just weather”?
3. Why do the tax dollars of someone who does not have a pension plan (me) go to pay the pensions of retired GM (a private company) workers?
4. Does Dalton like the look of weeds all over the city?
5. Does ANYBODY watch “I’m a celebrity–get me out of here!” ?

Discuss.

Ever wonder why the girl in the Baileys commercial (“Gotta Have Coffee…”) doesn’t show her whole face? You know which one I am talking about:

Here it is:

Does anybody know how to spell anymore? Does anybody care? I know several people, grown-up people, with degrees, and double degrees, and high paying jobs, who don’t know the difference between “their”, “there” or “they’re”.

The worst cases can be observed on Facebook: I’m board (or better yet: bord), could of (as in: I could of passed this test if only my brain was functioning) and the one I saw this evening that put the icing on the cake: I am happy because my friends graced me with there presents. Instead of playing Facebook games all day long, maybe you should invest a couple of minutes brushing up on your spelling?

Look, I can understand young people: they’re trying to save their thumbs by minimizing everything while texting from a cellphone the size of a postage stamp, but I do not understand someone with an Master’s Degree writing: “There dogs we’re lose”. How did they get through school? And “I can wate” is not any shorter than “I can wait”, so why do it? Are you trying to be cool, or do you just not know how to spell?

And don’t get me started on the abuse the apostrophe has to take in our daily lives: “the cat lick’s it’s coat”? Are you just throwing those apostrophes in there because it looks cool? Do you have any living braincell?

Does anybody use the word “whom” anymore? Is it just too hard to put your brain to work, so you just use “who”, who’s to know? (you’re thinking:  isn’t that “whose”? No, it’s not.)

I am not saying I am perfect, and I am sure that, in my Dutchness, I slip in a few weird sentences and misspellings once in a while, as I am sure there are a few typos in this post, but eventhough English is my second language, I am proud to say that I know where the apostrophe goes, and you will never catch me putting down “there” instead of “their”.

So there.

So I guess Twitter has gotten too big for its own good–the web site’s down half the time due to traffic, and I am now getting about 200 notifications a day of various vague people following me with such names as: Susan, Allison, Alyssa, Melody, James, Kristen, Erma, Jodie and Alexis: it’s like the cast of Melrose Place wants to be my friend! As a result, I now have 20 spammers listed as followers and the fun has been taken away. Much like Facebook, which was a good tool at first to keep in touch with people, but is now not much more than a glorified soapbox for narcissistic people who want show off what they have, and let us know about every fart they pass. That, and having to install sixty-five applications to watch a video. No thanks.

I think it’s time to quit Twitter, before it gets REALLY annoying: when Viagra wants to follow me, or worse yet, Elizabeth May.

Enjoy.

So we headed down the Queensway late Sunday night to drop off our daughter and her boyfriend at the (depressing) downtown Greyhound bus station. They are headed back to Vancouver (where they study at Emily Carr University on Granville Island) via bus: you just can’t beat $240 for two people to travel across the country. However, for your $240 you can count on losing at least one bag along the way. It’s just that kind of a gong-show.

What I want to talk about is the new “security measures” implemented since the unfortunate incident in Manitoba last summer. These “security measures” are supposed to protect the travelling public from crazies with knives. As you may have seen, I put “security measures” in quotation marks, because, well, the “security” isn’t there, and “measures” is a very big word for what it is: two guys beside a fold-out plastic camping table, and all that is keeping ”us” separated from “them” is a type of barrier you may find at your local bank branch (those posts and the retractable “tape” type separators to guide you through a maze to the teller). The kids were required to open up their “carry-ons” and since they each carry laptops and electronics all had to be taken out and opened. My daughter could not get her laptop out of her bag quickly (her mother taught her how to pack well) so the “security” guy said she could move on without looking in her bag. The line-up was getting long… After the kids went past these two guys, we followed them along the walk-way from Checkpoint Charlie to the doors (about 30 feet, again, all that separated us was the tape) and did our hugs (that’s right: we hugged eachother right through the security barrier keeping “public” and “secured travellers” apart) and said our goodbyes, at which time we could have easily passed them several knives, guns, cleavers, baseball bats, what have you, if we were so inclined, without the “security” personnel ever knowing about it. Then they step out to the bus platform, and the bus driver loads the bus with their bags. Unfortunately, the bus driver has no idea which bags were “carry-on” (and thus: checked out) and which bags are luggage (not checked at all) and so they could have easily switched an unchecked luggage bag for a “carry-on” bag… Put your knives in the “luggage” bag, then step out of the door and carry-on your un-checked luggage bag onto the bus.

This is what Greyhound came up with: how can we calm the public with the cheapest “security measures” possible, to give the illusion that “we’re doing SOMETHING”, which isn’t anything at all: it’s all a show. Even my feeble attempt at putting myself into a ”criminal mindset” could penetrate that fortress of security on at least three occasions. Can you image what those crazies can come up with? 

Who said: “The only thing worse than no security, is a false security”?