It has come to this: we are now officially issuing “Rainfall Warnings“.

We’re gonna get some rain today, and by golly, be warned! You might get wet!

Give me a break.

Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don’t forget your booties ’cause it’s cooooold out there today. Especially cold, okay, but the big question on everybody’s lips… On their chapped lips, right: Do ya think Phil is gonna come out and see his shadow? That’s right, woodchuck-chuckers – it’s  GROUNDHOG DAY!

Great news from Phil, Willy et al: it’s going to be an early spring! Actually, almost all of the famous rotund rodents saw their shadow today, and technically that means six more weeks of winter. However, since they are only right about 39% of the time, and it’s a 50/50 kind of thing, we can conclude that, statistically, the opposite must be true: seeing shadow means early spring!

This is going to play right read more

h/t Cam @ Ottawa Citizen

This month’s five random questions, to which I need some answers:

1. Why does Disney have a vault, and why do movies have to go in it after they are released?
2. Why do we need a choice of 6000 different shampoos? For thin hair, thick hair, long hair, short hair, dry hair, wet hair. Are you kidding me? Why are we going along with this?
3. “Aquacurrent Science”, “Mirco Spheres”, “Scrubbing Bubbles”, does anyone believe this stuff?
4. 10 Billion BL RegularisTM bacteria. Really? You think that’s enough? Why not 20 billion? 30? Is that 10 billion when they made the product? Knowing how fast bacteria procreate, how many are in there when you actually sit down and eat it?
5. How come we can’t show Mohammed in a read more

I know I am going out on a limb here. I am at the risk of being ridiculed. I will be threatened with bodily harm, but I have decided to “come clean”, as it were, to the world: I pee sitting down. There, I’ve said it. Now, I know the truly manly men among you will snicker and mock me and call me such names as “sissy” and “wimp” and insults like “you pee like a girl!” will be hurled at me. Set aside your immediate feelings for now and hear me out.

Imagine, if you will, a small bowl filled with orange juice sitting in the sink. Then take the aerator off the tap and open the tap just a read more

• Two popcorn bowls,
• some mouldy cheese,
• a big ass car,
• a crappy book,
• a free vasectomy,
• and a nice introduction to Canada.

I wonder what his [White] House warming party will bring in.

The Ottawa Citizen has a story today about how teenagers do not wear boots, toques or mitts, even in -32 degree weather. Quoting a grade 10 student walking down the street in the Glebe, the story tells us that teens do not want to wear toques because of the potential to mess up the bed-head hair-do, and do not want to wear gloves or mitts because they cannot operate their iPod with them. And wearing boots, well, that’s just, like, not cool. Throw in a transit strike, and what you have is thousands of freezing teens shivering by the glow of their cellphone screen, trying to look cool (but not cold).

I probably did the same thing when I was a teen. Of read more

In numerous reports on television, radio and in the newspapers, this “breakthrough” device is said to be “reading your mind” to “manipulate a ball through an obstacle course”. This implies the toy knows what you’re thinking and through the power of thought, the ball moves in a trajectory you “will” it to. And this revolutionary piece of technology is on sale for $80US.

After closer examination, of course, the device does nothing more than measure the intensity of your brainwaves (like at a sleep lab) with an earhphones type of headgear, and the more intense your brainwaves, the harder the fan blows. Contrary to what the reports are implying, you cannot make the ball move with your brain, nor can you will it read more

All Hail The President-Elect! He has surrounded Himself with an intellectual team other countries dare not dream of! In fact, according to Randall Denley, Ottawa Citizen columnist, Canada does not have what it takes–and never will–but perhaps Harper could look at Ignatieff, our Greatest Thinker, for some “thinking” inspiration. If “Determined Determination” is a sign of things to come, hold on to your hats folks, there will be some eye-poppin’ thinkin’ comin’ from that Hill!